Excuse Me.....
"Nan, are you proud of me? I said excuse me. I walked up to them and said excuse me and they moved, so I walked though! Aren't you proud of me?" Marcus, I was proud of you right up to the part where you slapped her on the butt! "Oh......But aren't you proud of me? I said excuse me."
Bad Luck
"Hey look Nan, it's a black cat. If it walks in front of you it's bad luck. If you walk under a ladder it's bad luck. If you break a mirror it's bad luck. Marcus, what do you think is bad luck?" "Driving your car into a tree."
Sauteed with Butter
Marcus, What would you like for dinner? "Onions." Onions? You only want onions for dinner?!? "Yes, just onions" And how would you like your onions? Peeled like an apple?! "No, silly! I just want them sauteed with butter."
Kids can be quit literal...
I'm cleaning up my tools and Hunter is just standing there watching me, so I look at him and say..."I could use some help"...so of course he takes off. Not 4 minutes later my neighbors are in my backyard asking me if I needed help. Looks like when he took off, he actually went across the street, rang the doorbell and told the neighbors I needed help!!!
Tissues are for....
"Nan, See those dots" What dots? "The dots on the tv." There are dots on the tv? "Ya, they're boogers." Whose boogers are they? "Mine." Why would you put boogers on the TV screen? "Because I didn't know where else to put them." Ever heard of a tissue?!?!? "A tissue?!?" Yes, Marcus, the thing you blow your nose with? "Nan, I picked my nose. I didn't blow it."
Analogy
"Hey Nan, look at this......this is like a cup that holds all the pee and this is like the straw that sucks all the pee out!"
April Fools
"Nan?"
Yes?
"The other Mommy said we are going to be getting a Daddy."
She did? Why would she say that?
"Well, if you're gone and mommy is gone then no one is with us and who will take care of the house?"
Why are Mommy and I leaving?
"Well, Gramma call on the phone and you need to go see her because she hurt her back and you need to make her a sculpture..."
MARCUS!
"Oh, all right....We were just messing with you about the Daddy."
Yes?
"The other Mommy said we are going to be getting a Daddy."
She did? Why would she say that?
"Well, if you're gone and mommy is gone then no one is with us and who will take care of the house?"
Why are Mommy and I leaving?
"Well, Gramma call on the phone and you need to go see her because she hurt her back and you need to make her a sculpture..."
MARCUS!
"Oh, all right....We were just messing with you about the Daddy."
Nose Picker
I walk into the living room with my cup of coffee this morning and say "Hey, Good Morning Mr. Magoo!" He turns around and looks at me, with his finger in his nose and says "That's Mr Nose Picker to you Nan."
Good Morning.
Madman’s salutation to everyone as he walks into the dining room at the hotel for breakfast; “Good morning” “ Good morning” “Good morning” “Good morning” “Good morning….(Stops and taps the gentleman) excuse me sir, I said Good morning”
Some things are best left alone
And so our Sunday morning routine was disrupted for mere seconds upon hearing these delightful words float in from the living-room, "Stop picking my nose!" "Let go of my penis!"
It's all crazy!
This floating down the hallway from Madman’s room this morning as I sip my coffee, “It’s all crazy. When I open my eyes, everything is just crazy.” And silently wondered if he had drank some of my Scotch last night.
Pee
“I got pee in my eye” He says as he walks into the living room rubbing his eye. Whhhhaaat?!?!?!? “I was peeing and that big flat thing fell on my penis and I peed myself in the eye!”
The Wink ;-)
Madman jumps into the front seat, pulls down the visor, opens the mirror, adjusts his baseball cap, winks at himself and says "Hello handsome”
Running Water
So I walk into the house with the sound of water running. Only to discover the sink in the bathroom was plugged and the facet left full on causing an overflow onto the counter....Some time later.... Hey Marcus, would you know what happened to the sink in the bathroom? "No, but I suppose I left the water running. Did it fill up yet?"
the most beautiful skin
rhyming
Hunter was in a rhyming mood tonight…Tuck, muck, fuck, cluck, suck, duck, buck, cuck, muck......
a really big question
Madman’s declaration to us over dinner tonight: "Mooooooooommmyyy, I have to ask you a really big question!" ‘Ok, what is it?’ “Can you leave me in charge of the house?”
lungs
pool party
Once again I turn around to find Madman inviting himself into our neighbor's pool gathering? Knock, knock, knock (Gate opens) "Hi, it's me Marcus. Can I come in? What a lovely pool you have...."
problem solved
We’re pulling into a restaurant to eat and Madman has a fit because he wants to eat at a different place. “Marcus, I can’t eat at that restaurant and you know that.” “ Nan, you can just sit there. Problem solved.” ----this is when your words came back and bite you in the ass!
payback kiddo
I am such a bad mommy! Madman grabbed the lemon from my glass n ate it. Payback kiddo, payback
10 instead
“Madman has a birthday coming up next month too, He’ll be 5.” “Ahhhhh Mom, can’t I just be 10 instead?”
Easter Bunny
“Hunter, there is no such thing as the Easter bunny!” “YES there is!!” “NO there isn’t, it doesn’t exist” “YES IT DOES MARCUS!!! Where do you think all the eggs come from?” “You mean the plastic eggs?”
Good night Madman
'Marcus, what are you doing up?' "I heard a moo moo, a cockadoodle doo, a nay nay and a vroom vroom." 'Good night Marcus.'
22 minute monologue
Madman’s 22 minute monologue at 1:19 AM was just as comical as if he said it in the afternoon. Actually, a bit more so because he had our undivided extremely groggy attention. It started with Hunter being lost in the woods and ended with Madman being tucked into his bed only to call out for us to “turn his light on so he could see his carrots” as he sat there in bed actually eating from a container of carrots!?!?!
young love
Ahhh, young love. All Hunter talks about is Lily. Why? Because “She wears pretty dresses" "Mom, can Lily come over for a fancy dinner so she can wear her pretty dress?” Here’s the list I had to make of what he wanted to do when Lily comes over; 1) Talk 2) Mom watch Marcus 3) Dinner (Mac-n-cheese, peas and water) 4) Watch a show together and 5) Have sugar cookies. The boy has got it down pat and he's only 6.
girl length
“What color hair does Lily have?” “Yellow like yours.” “Oh, she has blond hair and is her hair long or short?” “Girl length” “Girl length?!?” “Yah, you know not long and not short. Just right. Girl length.”
school boys
As we were walking AROUND the basketball court at school, Madman decided it would be ok to taunt the high school boys playing ball. “Hey boys, watch out for the basketball!” “Whacha doing catching the ball like that?!?!” “Hey boys….” MARCUS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!??! “Oh, nothing. Just humming”
family time
Some day they will understand that Family Time at 4 AM does not equate to Quality Time, especially on a Saturday morning. Grumpfest anyone?!
in school
“Marcus, why are you being so naughty and rude?” “Because I learned all those things in school.”
Huuuunntttter
Madman to his brother: “Huuunttttter, if you get out of my face, I will give you a square candy.” To me: “Nan, could you do me a little favor? I need a little help getting Hunter his square candy. I promised him one if he behaves.”
note home
Note home to parents: Hunter and another student were punching each other. I had to put Hunter in a time out and talked to him about his behavior. The other boy ended up in the nurse’s office w/a bloody nose.
annoying me
I run into the other room to find Madman flat on his back, covering his bloody mouth with his hands. I look at Hunter and asked him what happened, as he stood over us, looking down. “I hit him.” “YOU HIT HIM?!? What did you HIT him with?” “My elbow, he was annoying me.”
12 o'clock
Why yes, that is a beverage you see in my hand. Yes, I do realize it’s only 10:30 AM. But I also realize that it has to be 12 o’clock somewhere.
you and I have to talk
“Nan, you and I have to talk. Step into the other room with me.” Is what I hear as Madman holds his arm out leading to the other room.
I tried and tried
"I tried and I tried until I didn't." Hunter's explanation of his day in school. Surprisingly I can relate to that :)
mystery guest
He runs into the kitchen and I ask: Marcus where is your shirt? “The mystery guest took it” and runs off. Mostly buck naked he returns, Marcus where are your pants?! “Must be the same mystery guest took them too”. So is this Mystery Guest going to take your socks next? “Oooh nooo, my feet’ll get cold.”
I did it!
“I did it! I did it!”
“You did what Marcus?”, as I hesitantly peer into the bathroom.
“I can pee and drink at the same time! Isn’t that cool?”
dear lord
Dear lord…my son just ‘Ahum’ Santa! It appears Madman thought Santa was taking too long with the kids on his lap so he went up to Santa with his hand on his hip, taping his foot and clearing his throat to get his attention. I have no idea why he would be on Santa’s naughty list…..
irresponsible
On our way to OSV yesterday. ‘Marcus if you don’t knock that off I am going to tie you to the roof of the car.’ “Ha, noooo you won’t. That would be very irresponsible.”
VEET
“Mom, can I shave my legs like you?” and we turn around to see Madman walking down the stairs in only his underwear with the VEET bottle in one hand and the scraper in the other.
it's for you
So Madman goes up to Annette with a big old boogie on his finger. So she looks at him and told him to go get a tissue and he promptly said, “No, Mommy, it’s for you. Put it in your nose.”
front end loader
And then I asked the proverbial question; “What do you think mommy would like for Christmas?” Hunters response, “Ahh Nan, you can think better. I know you can do it.” And Madman’s reply, ”A front end loader”
cold outside
Madman at his best: “My bum’s really cold. I need to sit down”; “I don’t think my feet will go any faster, they might fall out of my shoes.” “I’m being a good boy, right?”and this one said to the bald man at CVS, “You need a hat it’s cold outside.”
booger
As we are leaving the store, Madman starts to cry and run back in. “Marcus, what’s the matter? Why are you crying?” “I lost my booger.” “You lost your booger.” “I want my booger back!!!” And the voice of reason chimes in, “Don’t worry Marcus, you can always pick another one.”
so silly
“Oh Nan, that’s so silly. You don’t have a brain.” What?! I don’t have a brain!?!?! “Nope and Mommy doesn’t have a brain and Hunter doesn’t have a brain and I don’t have a brain either.” (I was sooooo glad he clarified that)
number two
How was school today Marcus? “I was sick with two.” You were sick with two today? “Yup, with number two.” What’s number two? “You know, it comes after one.”
breakfast?
and it continues...Marcus, what would you like for breakfast today? (no answer) Marcus, are you hungry? What would you like to eat? (a pause) "I just want money."
sucking up
Ok, maybe it was not the best choice of words but I told my boys to either suck it up and keep playing or stop and find something else to do. “Ok Nan we’ll suck it up” “I’m sucking it up Nan” “Nan we’re sucking it up” "don't worry Nan we'll suck it up"…. Oh brother, I can’t wait for Mom to come home and hear this one. :{
Halloween
“What are you going to be for Halloween?” asked Hunter. “Oh, nothing” replied Marcus. “But you have to be something for Halloween. What are you going to dress up as?” “I’m not dressing as anything. I'm just going to be myself.” Now isn't that a loaded answer! :)
Smack
So Hunter was pointing out a spider on the wall and telling me how we should not squish them because they are part of nature and …SMACK, we jump back as a shoe hit it square on with a hand attached to it and Madman triumphantly yelling “Got it!”
It's a witch I say!
I heart his voice saying “It’s a witch’s I say. There are witches everywhere”. Then he appears at the door to the office with his pants down around his ankles and poop hanging from him. And we follow poop in a trail leading to the toilet. And poop on the wall where he “took the corner to fast” and poop……. ”Oh Nan, it’s not a witch after all, it’s only a frog. Guess I’m just having a poopy day.”
external
Hunter seems to be enamored with my new external HD, so much so I have found it 3 time sitting on the coffee table “plugged” into the sofa. Reason? Something to do with ”sucking up Marcus”. (I'm blaming it on the fever:)
school
So Marcus, what did you do in school today? "I just relaxed." That's all you did today was to relaxed? You didn't read any stories or go outside to play? "Yup, thats all. I just relaxed" Hunter what did you do in school today? "I kissed everybody." You kissed everyone? "Yep, I just kept kissing everyone."
embarrassing
Embarrassing moments....Madman turns and yells to his preschool friends “Hey, this is my Dad, Nan” jaw drops...Marcus you do not have a Daddy, you have 2 mommies. "No I don't. That's so silly. I have a mommy & a daddy".
packed
One more day then off to FL for a week! Can't come soon enough for Madman. He's been walking around all week with his suitcase packed. Contents: 2 juice boxes and 5 trucks. “No more, no less.”
vacuuming
I can only shake my head....Just when I thought I was done vacuuming, I walk back to see our sofa sitting in the middle of the living room with my oldest saying "You forgot some" - Damnit, Who taught them to vacuum under the sofa! Oh ya, me :]
marker fight
Here I am thinking all the laughing coming from the other room was innocent. An innocent marker fight that is - face, arms, shirts, shorts, legs….oh yes, and inside the ear, let’s not forget the hair….so I sent them to wash up and they ended up having a water fight in the bathroom.
fire stick
Kids say the damndest things: "Mommy, that man is making smoke from his mouth with that fire stick!" Honest, my kids do not live in a bubble!
fences
One new fence up, one old fence rebuilt and one more fence to go and then our house will be like fort knox. All this to keep a 4 year old little boy who like to wander far, far, far away from home safe...
tonsils
Madman had his tonsils out last Friday and talked for the first time today since the procedure... sounds like he’s been sucking back helium! (Somehow the song from Wizard of OZ keeps playing in my head!) Ohhhh, I'm a bad Mommy :)
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