The Madman Chronicles

‎"Nan, are you proud of me? I said excuse me. I walked up to them and said excuse me and they moved, so I walked though! Aren't you proud of me?" Marcus, I was proud of you right up to the part where you slapped her on the butt! "Oh......But aren't you proud of me? I said excuse me."

Bad Luck

‎"Hey look Nan, it's a black cat. If it walks in front of you it's bad luck. If you walk under a ladder it's bad luck. If you break a mirror it's bad luck. Marcus, what do you think is bad luck?" "Driving your car into a tree."

Sauteed with Butter

Marcus, What would you like for dinner? "Onions." Onions? You only want onions for dinner?!? "Yes, just onions" And how would you like your onions? Peeled like an apple?! "No, silly! I just want them sauteed with butter."

Kids can be quit literal...

I'm cleaning up my tools and Hunter is just standing there watching me, so I look at him and say..."I could use some help"...so of course he takes off. Not 4 minutes later my neighbors are in my backyard asking me if I needed help. Looks like when he took off, he actually went across the street, rang the doorbell and told the neighbors I needed help!!!

Tissues are for....

"Nan, See those dots" What dots? "The dots on the tv." There are dots on the tv? "Ya, they're boogers." Whose boogers are they? "Mine." Why would you put boogers on the TV screen? "Because I didn't know where else to put them." Ever heard of a tissue?!?!? "A tissue?!?" Yes, Marcus, the thing you blow your nose with? "Nan, I picked my nose. I didn't blow it."

Analogy

"Hey Nan, look at this......this is like a cup that holds all the pee and this is like the straw that sucks all the pee out!"

April Fools

‎"Nan?"
Yes?
"The other Mommy said we are going to be getting a Daddy."
She did? Why would she say that?
"Well, if you're gone and mommy is gone then no one is with us and who will take care of the house?"
Why are Mommy and I leaving?
"Well, Gramma call on the phone and you need to go see her because she hurt her back and you need to make her a sculpture..."
MARCUS!
"Oh, all right....We were just messing with you about the Daddy."

Nose Picker

I walk into the living room with my cup of coffee this morning and say "Hey, Good Morning Mr. Magoo!" He turns around and looks at me, with his finger in his nose and says "That's Mr Nose Picker to you Nan."

Madman and Me

Kind of reminds me of the yellow people from Despicable Me.

Good Morning.

Madman’s salutation to everyone as he walks into the dining room at the hotel for breakfast; “Good morning” “ Good morning” “Good morning” “Good morning” “Good morning….(Stops and taps the gentleman) excuse me sir, I said Good morning”

Some things are best left alone

And so our Sunday morning routine was disrupted for mere seconds upon hearing these delightful words float in from the living-room, "Stop picking my nose!" "Let go of my penis!"

It's all crazy!

This floating down the hallway from Madman’s room this morning as I sip my coffee, “It’s all crazy. When I open my eyes, everything is just crazy.” And silently wondered if he had drank some of my Scotch last night.

Pee

“I got pee in my eye” He says as he walks into the living room rubbing his eye. Whhhhaaat?!?!?!? “I was peeing and that big flat thing fell on my penis and I peed myself in the eye!”

He's mad I tell ya!

"Naaaaaannnnnnn, watch me!"

The Wink ;-)

Madman jumps into the front seat, pulls down the visor, opens the mirror, adjusts his baseball cap, winks at himself and says "Hello handsome”

Running Water

So I walk into the house with the sound of water running. Only to discover the sink in the bathroom was plugged and the facet left full on causing an overflow onto the counter....Some time later.... Hey Marcus, would you know what happened to the sink in the bathroom? "No, but I suppose I left the water running. Did it fill up yet?"